I think after tomorrow I am done with this crap. I tested tonight and not even a faint sign of anything. Im sure tomorrow will once again be negative. My insurance has been awesome through all this so that is one thing I am thankful for but honestly Im beginning to think maybe I am not supposed to be a mom. I mean seriously who goes through so much crap every cycle and then nothing happens. Or worse yet the 2 positives Ive had I miscarried. Who has an entire nursery finished without a child to put in it. I was so sure in the 11 weeks with my 1st pregnancy that it was finally my turn. Who freaking has 7 IUI’s with nothing actually work out in the end. So as of right now and I know now is not the time to make decisions but seriously I dont think I can take another month of negative tests. Thanks for all the prayers and support through this but Im beginning to think this is one that will go unanswered. I may not have much to blog about anymore since this has been my life for the last 3 years but maybe someday I will have something positive to project out there in the blog world.
April’s Adventures
My desire to have a child is greater than my fear of another miscarriage…
Anniversary
Forever Missed…
This is my first time reading your blog and I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost my baby at 11 weeks pregnancy. When I lay in the ER I said the same thing, I’m done. I’m throwing in the towel. I just got my period today and the fact that its a big fact no hurts me too.
I have a friend who miscarried…3 times… another who miscarried 13 times… before she had a healthy little girl. I don’t know if I could ever live through that. I asked her how she did. She said she just took it one day a time. I say this not to scare you of future miscarriages, but when you consider throwing in the towel, whenever you feel its time is the right time, but know that there is hope should you ever seek to try again.
*hugs*
And I am sorry if that came out as a cliche’d platitude. I know how annooying those are because I’ve received too many themselves. Just know that behind the words was warmth and good intention and a sense of deep pain for the pain you are currently experiencing.
Hi April,
Sometimes in life we can’t really understand the whys of things, but when we have Jesus as our Lord and Saviour, we can rely on Him to make the best choices for us, when we leave the choice to Him. Perhaps you need to just rest in His love for you and Nils, and know that He has definitetly heard your prayers. Relax and leave it all to Him and enjoy the life He has given you.