Long Overdue Update….

31 10 2008

Well here’s a quick update on what has been going on lately. I started another round of Clomid on Sun, Oct 19th. That last for 7 days and 150mg. It was a long 7 days but thankfully I didnt have too many symptoms during that time. On tuesday of that week I had my 25th birthday. My grandma/mom cooked homemade chinese food and we had Nils’s parents, and grandparents over as well. It was a great night even though I was really not looking foward to the day itself. I knew that I would have been 31 weeks at that point so it was just tough realizing again that I am not pregnant anymore. I have talked to a few people that have been through miscarriage after undergoing fertility treatments and they said that it really doesnt get any easier till your due date passes or you get pregnant again. I am hoping that both happen by my due date but for now I am trying to be as patient as possible and trusting that the Lord does have big plans for us. I had my follicle study done on Monday, Oct 27th. I had 2 really good eggs and 1 that just might make it as well so that is so great! I’ll take all the options I can get! :) I got my trigger shot and went back the next morning for the IUI. Everything went fairly smooth this time. Everything look good and she struggled a little with the IUI but eventually it all worked out! Now I am in the 2 week wait. I am so ready to finally see good news that I think I will doubt it when I finally see it! Last weekend we went to Duluth to see our good friends and had a blast as usual. We ate at Baja Billy’s which has now become one of Nils and My Fav’s. Its tex mex and soooo good! Allie and I shopped as usual and Jakwas a trooper through it even with a stuff nose. Other than that we just mainly hung out and enjoyed some Coldstone cake! YUM!

Well thats about all for now. We will know something (hopefully good) by November 11thor so! Keep praying for us! I am so ready to be a mom that it just breaks my heart every month that it doesnt happen and my due date gets closer!





Another year down

21 10 2008

So today I turn 25. I am glad that this past year is down and hopefully this next one will be more positive! I am ready for more uplifting posts and fantastic news but for now the same old same old. I had another failed cycle. I am back on clomid and my next IUI will be a week from today. Please if you remember pray that this works. I am really just praying hard for this cycle! I just cant face December and not be pregnant! I know it is hard to understand unless you go through it but after wanting something so bad and finally getting it only to be taken away is so hard to swallow.  Thanks for all the support and encouragement and just asking how things are going! That is huge to me in knowing that there are people around me who really do care what happens in our lives! :)





Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day-Oct 15

15 10 2008

I found this poem that was really sweet and is what I would like to share with you in remembrance of our tiny baby that would have been here in 2 short months. I would have been 30 weeks today:

Never to have known you, but to have loved you. Never to have held you, the way mommies and daddies do. We bury our hopes and dreams of our unborn child, never seen. But, we will never bury our love in our hearts. Knowing that with God you are safe while we are apart. (author unknown)

Thanks for all the love and support you have shown us in the last 4 months. My heart is broken and everyday that goes by I just pray and beg for the Lord to give us another. We are at the end of another cycle and it doesnt look great. They will do 1 more IUI and then we could very well be at the end of treatment. We can afford to do anything that isnt covered by insurance and have used up everything after this cycle that they do. Pray for us. This next 2 months are going to be extremely difficult especially with my due date coming quick.

I just want to take a minute and wish Nils a happy anniversary!! I am so thankful for his love and support of me and our relationship. I am so blessed to have him in my life and know that there is no one else Id rather go through this life with than him! :)





October Already….

1 10 2008

Well its October. That means I turn 25 in 20 days; have our 4 year anniversary in 14 days; and will hopefully have a positive pregnancy test this month. Thats my hope anyways. I hate Wednesdays so much and am glad that this cycle doesnt fall on that day. Today I would have been 28 weeks and in my 3rd trimester. Instead I am here waiting again. Ugh! When will this get easier is what I want to know. When will I stop grieving the loss of a child that I never saw. I guess the answer is never but hopefully after december it wont be a constant reminder. My apt yesterday went well. I have 3 possibly 4 eggs. That just has to be good odds. Well the IUI was today and now I am just waiting. It didnt go as smooth as it has in the past but I know that all it takes is 1 or maybe 2!