April’s Adventures

So I dont really have any good news to share about this round. My 2nd IUI was a bust. I am just really confused how it only took 1 time last time and now 2 have been complete failures. I started back on the Clomid and was on it my entire vacation which was not fun. They upped my dose to 150mg this time and I am taking it for days 3-9. I had picked up my dose of the 100mg that they called in 2 weeks ago just in case and had it all ready to go and called them to verify everything and they decided to up the dose so we had to run to target to get it in Brainerd. My insurance denied paying for it since I filled it once already this month so I just paid for it out of pocket which to my confusion was cheaper than what it is if it is run through my insuranace. I go tomorrow for my mid cycle check up and hopefully the hcg shot and an IUI scheduled. I am being optimistic because they upped my dose and we are going in a day earlier but we’ll see. I’ll prob know one way or another by our anniversary (Oct 15). I really dont want anything this year but that so hopefully that dream will become reality. My birthday is Oct 21 and am not really looking forward to it. I turn 25. To most people that’s not a big deal but to me its the reality that I didnt have my first child by the time I was 25. That was my “goal”.  We started 2 new small groups this week and 1 group had 1 pregnant lady and another 3 of the 7. I pretty much wanted to quit. I sat there just numb until we started discussing and I just lost it. We were talking about Hannah and I never really fully knew her story and as much as it gives me hope it makes me numb to the people who have already achieved pregnancy. I dont want to feel that way. I dont want to feel like running out of the room screaming. I know that this is reality and that there will always be pregnant people. I just want to be one of them. Well just when I had made my mind up I was out another girl spoke up and she is going through this. She is about where I was this time last year getting the whole work up stuff done. I decided from that point that Id stay. I knew there was a reason I was supposed to sign up for the group and now I see it. We talked after and come to find out we have a lot in common and our husbands do the same thing (Network Engineers) and they live literally a block away in the same neighborhood. So I guess the moral of the story is suck it up and be happy for those that are and know that there is always someone out there dealing with what you are as well.

So apparently this turned out longer than just a quick update. One other life update is Nils got a new job which he started today! I am so proud of him and just know that this is the right timing for him!

Well I will try and update as to when the IUI will be this week but please be praying for us! This is really just getting so discouraging and just feel completely broken.

We had our good friends from Duluth, MN down this weekend! We ate a ton of food (mostly pasta), went to como zoo, did some good shopping, and had just an overall great weekend! They have a 2 month old (Jak). I had so much fun seeing him and reaffirming my desire so much to have a baby! Allie is such a great mommy to him and I can just see how much of a blessing he is in their lives! I got tons of coos and smiles from him and it just melts your heart everytime!

Another “fun” part of Labor day weekend was being on clomid! Ugh! Everytime I take the drug is makes me feel pretty awful! I dread the days that I am on it and am thrilled to take that last pill. I took that last night and then Friday have another one my doc apts. I am praying really hard that this appointment will go perfect. If it does then Nils will actually get to go to the IUI with me this time! It was weird not having him there last time. We have plans to go to the twins game that afternoon so hopefully it will be an overall relaxing day! I will be taking the progesterone again so that should be fine. Luckily I didnt get really any symptoms from that! Well thats about all for an update! I’ll try to post after the apt on Friday! Thanks for all the continued prayers!