Learning to move on…..

19 06 2008

So this is the new blog! It seems pretty simple to figure out how to do stuff in here which I am glad because when Nils was setting it up it just looked like a whole bunch of nothing on a black screen. I think it was HTML maybe. I could be wrong. But anyways I just wanted to write a quick post since I just updated the old one telling everyone there is a new one.

Things are starting to look up and I am anxiously awaiting the time when we can begin to start trying to have a baby again! I am so beyond ready to be a mom that I just can hardly wait for that day to come and am scared to death for that day to come when we get a positive pregnancy test again! So many people have said oh I knew someone who went through that and they got pregnant the next month. Its cool to hear stories like that but in the back of my mind I think yeah did they get pregnant right away on their own before; did they use fertility treatments like we did and so on. I know I need to keep positive thoughts coming. I hope that it will just happen that soon for us and we wont have to do fertility treatments again. I guess time will tell. Right now we will wait and see and if nothing happens by November we’ll head down that road again. Pray for us as we start this whole process all over again! Its scary and exciting and we just need to trust the Lord that He will help us through this again and prepare us for everything that will happen.


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Categories : TTC Round 2

"Bad Luck"; Inconclusive; 1 in 4 it happens…..

16 06 2008

So my apt on Friday was just blah. I should be more excited that they didn’t find anything wrong when they sent the tissue/fetus off to pathology. It basically came back inconclusive with nothing that they could see wrong. They didn’t do in depth testing because it is “only” my 1st miscarriage. The doctor basically gave me the old 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and that it’s just bad luck this time. She said that statistics show that after a miscarriage and they find “nothing” wrong from your previous that you have only a 10% chance of miscarrying again. So that could lower my odds of 25% to 10%. I guess that doesn’t really make me feel any better. I wish they could have said this is what is wrong. And no it wont happen again. But there are no guarantees like that in life. I am learning that hard lesson right now.
Pray for Nils and I as we start this whole journey over again. It took so much to get this baby this time that hopefully it will not take medical intervention to allow us to have a child! I am giving it a few months of just nothing and praying that the Lord can just do this miracle before we go back into the hands of Doctors. I know that God is the ultimate healer and He can make anything happen. I just need to remind myself of this daily and not be taken down. I struggled a lot at first with why did you let this happen to me. Why did you even allow me to get pregnant if you knew we were just going to lose the baby. I guess we just have to go through struggles in life to be reminded of who is in control of everything.
Thanks again for the support and cards and everything that we have received during this time. We really feel loved! Hopefully my posts in the future will be a ton more uplifting and positive but for now our heart aches over the loss of this child.


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Categories : Miscarriage

Never easy to say goodbye!

12 06 2008

So by now most of you know that we lost the baby. We had an ultrasound at 8 weeks and they found the heartbeat. Then at 10 weeks the baby had grown a ton but she couldn’t find the heartbeat this time. Before they gave up all hope they wanted me to wait a week and go to the hospital for an ultrasound on their better machine. Well that Saturday I started spotting (5/31). Mom took me to the ER where they confirmed everything and said that I had a threatened miscarriage (even though they knew I would they couldn’t say that I was having one since the process hadn’t actually started). Well I was heartbroken and confused and just so mad as to why did I even get pregnant if I was just going to lose it in the end! I ended up taking the week off waiting for everything to just take its course naturally. We had so much support that week with church people bringing us meals and Nils was able to take most of the week off! Well everything came crashing down Thursday night. I started losing the baby and it was a very very long night which ended up sending me to the ER after about 12 hrs into it and knowing that it should just take a few for everything to happen naturally. Well we got there and my BP was low and I was running a fever that slowly kept going up and had such severe cramping that I couldn’t bare. They hooked me up to an IV and gave me pain meds and about that time my Clinic which is in the hospital opened so they took me over there for an ultrasound to see if I needed the D&C or if everything was finally almost over. Well the ultrasound was not good news so they took me straight down to same day surgery and with an hour and half or so they had the D&C done and I was in recovery waiting to wake up, sit up, eat, drink, walk, and go to the bathroom so I could get back to my home and start to recover from this whole mess. The only good thing with the D&C is it made me feel a million times better other than some back aching, mild cramping, and so on. Nothing compared to what it was like before! The other good thing is that they send what they removed to pathology to be tested to see why it happened and in some cases they can even tell you the gender of the baby. After all the testing they cremate everything and send it to Lakewood Cemetary to an area called Babyland where they spread the ashes of all the lost babies that they have had that week or whatever. (http://www.phototour.minneapolis.mn.us/387)
We are going to make a trip out there sometime and I think that it will bring a lot of closure. Thanks so much for every ones prayers and support through all of this! I know that I will get through this and will be stronger for it eventually. I go on Friday for a follow up apt to make sure everything is gone and where to go from here with moving on. I am praying that this next time around that we will need no fertility treatments and that it wont take so long to get pregnant and that I will at least be pregnant by Christmas time with a healthy baby before my due date comes. I know this maybe a lot to pray for but that is what I am going to believe in! I am going to try and update this blog some but am not sure next time around when we will tell people. Part of me says that if people hadn’t know I wouldn’t have had such great support but the other doesn’t want so many people to be excited about something and then go through this pain again. So I guess I will take that whenever that days comes and figure it out then.
Hope everyone else is doing well and those of you that are on my side of the family I will see you in 4 weeks or so.

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Categories : Miscarriage