April Lorvick

This update is probably long over due but it has been a long few weeks. I had the IUI on Oct 28. On november 9, 11, 12th I got faint positive pregnancy tests. I had the pregnancy confirmed on November 13th. On Sunday I started spotting. Monday I had my levels retested and this time they had dropped which meant that I would miscarry again. I am through the worst of it right now (tuesday, wednesday were the worst days). I went into the doctor yesterday and they decided that they needed to run a lot of tests and also refer me onto a Reproductive Endocrinologist. Well when they said tests I figured a few things of blood and Id be on my way. Nope try 11 vials. Then 20mins after we left the apt they called back and needed a few more. So 13 vials of blood later I am back at home. So now Nils has to get blood drawn (which his is beyond excited about…not!). I take needles pretty well. They dont scare me. Prob helps that mom is a nurse. Well anyways I called today to the place they referred me to. I choose this place because they had a location in Lilydale and that is the closet to us. Well they cant get me in there but could at their Minneapolis location but they cant get me in for 2 months! Are you kidding me?? NO! So I take the apt and just sit annoyed with it. Then I remembered that my doc said I could go to Mayo. (They are somehow affiliated with Mayo anyways). So I decided it cant hurt to call down there and see what they can do. I know Mayo is big and Id be willing to wait for a place like that. Well they can get me in on Dec 2nd. Yeah 1 1/2 weeks from now! So of course I took it and called the other place back to cancel. So we go December 2nd down there. We have to be there at 645am. Yikes! But thats ok we’ll take what we can get!

We probably wont really say much about any of this unless people ask. I just think I have spoken too soon about all of this. We had told our families already. We never in a million years thought this would happen again. My doctor did say that the good news with all of this is I have had a pregnancy progress and they detected a heartbeat on that one. So I can get pregnant there is just something not allowing me to continue on with it. So thats what the 13 vials are to check on. They are doing a chromosomal analysis on both of us to see if that is an issue. They are also checking for blood clotting disorder. My progesterone levels were where they should be because I was already taking those supplements so we know that isnt the issue. So now we wait some more and hope for the best. We know that Mayo is the best possible care we can get and for that I am thankful that they are so close to us.

Thanks for your prayers! I know that we are going through this for a reason I have just yet to figure out what that reason is. Hopefully this will be the last time I ever have to go through a miscarriage again! I never imagined Id have to do it again and the physical pain was different this time but the mental pain is just as bad. My 1st due date will be here soon and I am really not looking forward to that. Of all days I wish it had not been Christmas eve. But life goes on and I know I’ll just have to get through it.

I did get some good news about my insurance though. In Jan 09 they will now cover up to 10,000 lifetime max on fertility treatments. They cover anything with that money. Also since my pregnancy was confirmed by the doctor my 6 cycle limit IUI’s will reset. So this is good news because we only had 1-2 left. The doctor also mentioned that most likely I will not go back on clomid because I have been on it for 7 of the 11 months this year and usually they move on around that time. So that is great news!

Hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving. I am really trying hard to be thankful for what I have and not for what I dont…

This is my prayer:

Almighty Creator,
hear this fertility prayer and the wishes of my heart.
You know my deep desire for a child a little one to love and to hold, to care for, to cherish.
Grant that my body may conceive and give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby in Your holy image.
Guide me in all my choices so that this conception, my pregnancy and my baby’s birth are in line with Your will. Heavenly Father, hear this prayer of my heart, mind and spirit.
Amen!

*I found this on someone’s blog

5 months ago today I started losing the baby. I feel like I have gotten nowhere since. I am getting towards the end of another cycle and am just feeling like it isnt going to happen this month either. I called my NP yesterday and basically said I want to come in and see what else can be done. I have an apt for next Thursday. This will either be 1 of 2 apts. Either it will be a prenatal or it will be an ok why isnt anything working apt. If that is the case then I am going to inquire about a LAP/Hysteroscopy to look for possible endo. Hopefully I wont have to go that route but Im not naive. Thanks for your continued prayers and thoughts through this! It is the people around me and God that are helping me get through this because I just cant do it alone!

Friday night I am going to see the Rockettes with my family. Should be good fun and then next friday we are going to see Coldplay!! I am super excited about this. It was kinda  a last min decision but we went for it and should be an awesome show! Especially if I go there knowing I have a little one growing!

Well here’s a quick update on what has been going on lately. I started another round of Clomid on Sun, Oct 19th. That last for 7 days and 150mg. It was a long 7 days but thankfully I didnt have too many symptoms during that time. On tuesday of that week I had my 25th birthday. My grandma/mom cooked homemade chinese food and we had Nils’s parents, and grandparents over as well. It was a great night even though I was really not looking foward to the day itself. I knew that I would have been 31 weeks at that point so it was just tough realizing again that I am not pregnant anymore. I have talked to a few people that have been through miscarriage after undergoing fertility treatments and they said that it really doesnt get any easier till your due date passes or you get pregnant again. I am hoping that both happen by my due date but for now I am trying to be as patient as possible and trusting that the Lord does have big plans for us. I had my follicle study done on Monday, Oct 27th. I had 2 really good eggs and 1 that just might make it as well so that is so great! I’ll take all the options I can get! I got my trigger shot and went back the next morning for the IUI. Everything went fairly smooth this time. Everything look good and she struggled a little with the IUI but eventually it all worked out! Now I am in the 2 week wait. I am so ready to finally see good news that I think I will doubt it when I finally see it! Last weekend we went to Duluth to see our good friends and had a blast as usual. We ate at Baja Billy’s which has now become one of Nils and My Fav’s. Its tex mex and soooo good! Allie and I shopped as usual and Jakwas a trooper through it even with a stuff nose. Other than that we just mainly hung out and enjoyed some Coldstone cake! YUM!

Well thats about all for now. We will know something (hopefully good) by November 11thor so! Keep praying for us! I am so ready to be a mom that it just breaks my heart every month that it doesnt happen and my due date gets closer!

So today I turn 25. I am glad that this past year is down and hopefully this next one will be more positive! I am ready for more uplifting posts and fantastic news but for now the same old same old. I had another failed cycle. I am back on clomid and my next IUI will be a week from today. Please if you remember pray that this works. I am really just praying hard for this cycle! I just cant face December and not be pregnant! I know it is hard to understand unless you go through it but after wanting something so bad and finally getting it only to be taken away is so hard to swallow.  Thanks for all the support and encouragement and just asking how things are going! That is huge to me in knowing that there are people around me who really do care what happens in our lives!

I found this poem that was really sweet and is what I would like to share with you in remembrance of our tiny baby that would have been here in 2 short months. I would have been 30 weeks today:

Never to have known you, but to have loved you. Never to have held you, the way mommies and daddies do. We bury our hopes and dreams of our unborn child, never seen. But, we will never bury our love in our hearts. Knowing that with God you are safe while we are apart. (author unknown)

Thanks for all the love and support you have shown us in the last 4 months. My heart is broken and everyday that goes by I just pray and beg for the Lord to give us another. We are at the end of another cycle and it doesnt look great. They will do 1 more IUI and then we could very well be at the end of treatment. We can afford to do anything that isnt covered by insurance and have used up everything after this cycle that they do. Pray for us. This next 2 months are going to be extremely difficult especially with my due date coming quick.

I just want to take a minute and wish Nils a happy anniversary!! I am so thankful for his love and support of me and our relationship. I am so blessed to have him in my life and know that there is no one else Id rather go through this life with than him!

Well its October. That means I turn 25 in 20 days; have our 4 year anniversary in 14 days; and will hopefully have a positive pregnancy test this month. Thats my hope anyways. I hate Wednesdays so much and am glad that this cycle doesnt fall on that day. Today I would have been 28 weeks and in my 3rd trimester. Instead I am here waiting again. Ugh! When will this get easier is what I want to know. When will I stop grieving the loss of a child that I never saw. I guess the answer is never but hopefully after december it wont be a constant reminder. My apt yesterday went well. I have 3 possibly 4 eggs. That just has to be good odds. Well the IUI was today and now I am just waiting. It didnt go as smooth as it has in the past but I know that all it takes is 1 or maybe 2!

So there is yet another article in the news today about a baby being left in a trash can. Seriously. Why are these people given babies and the ones that want them cant seem to conceive them! UGH! And yet they have Safe Haven and people dont seem to use that! The only good outcome is the baby survived and will hopefully have a wonderful family to raise him.

MIAMI —  A newborn boy is safe after being found in a trash bin in Miami.

Authorities say the child was apparently only an hour or so old.

He was found in a trash bin Monday night when a janitor taking out the trash heard the baby crying. The boy’s umbilical cord was still attached.

The child appeared to be health but was taken to a hospital to be monitored.

Florida’s Safe Haven law was passed in 2000 in response to a rash of babies left to die in canals and trash bins.

The law allows a parent to surrender a newborn, no questions asked, to any hospital emergency room, open fire station or other facility capable of providing emergency care.

So I dont really have any good news to share about this round. My 2nd IUI was a bust. I am just really confused how it only took 1 time last time and now 2 have been complete failures. I started back on the Clomid and was on it my entire vacation which was not fun. They upped my dose to 150mg this time and I am taking it for days 3-9. I had picked up my dose of the 100mg that they called in 2 weeks ago just in case and had it all ready to go and called them to verify everything and they decided to up the dose so we had to run to target to get it in Brainerd. My insurance denied paying for it since I filled it once already this month so I just paid for it out of pocket which to my confusion was cheaper than what it is if it is run through my insuranace. I go tomorrow for my mid cycle check up and hopefully the hcg shot and an IUI scheduled. I am being optimistic because they upped my dose and we are going in a day earlier but we’ll see. I’ll prob know one way or another by our anniversary (Oct 15). I really dont want anything this year but that so hopefully that dream will become reality. My birthday is Oct 21 and am not really looking forward to it. I turn 25. To most people that’s not a big deal but to me its the reality that I didnt have my first child by the time I was 25. That was my “goal”.  We started 2 new small groups this week and 1 group had 1 pregnant lady and another 3 of the 7. I pretty much wanted to quit. I sat there just numb until we started discussing and I just lost it. We were talking about Hannah and I never really fully knew her story and as much as it gives me hope it makes me numb to the people who have already achieved pregnancy. I dont want to feel that way. I dont want to feel like running out of the room screaming. I know that this is reality and that there will always be pregnant people. I just want to be one of them. Well just when I had made my mind up I was out another girl spoke up and she is going through this. She is about where I was this time last year getting the whole work up stuff done. I decided from that point that Id stay. I knew there was a reason I was supposed to sign up for the group and now I see it. We talked after and come to find out we have a lot in common and our husbands do the same thing (Network Engineers) and they live literally a block away in the same neighborhood. So I guess the moral of the story is suck it up and be happy for those that are and know that there is always someone out there dealing with what you are as well.

So apparently this turned out longer than just a quick update. One other life update is Nils got a new job which he started today! I am so proud of him and just know that this is the right timing for him!

Well I will try and update as to when the IUI will be this week but please be praying for us! This is really just getting so discouraging and just feel completely broken.

I found this awesome site that has a million poems for scrapbooking and came across this and it just brought me to tears! I know that God had a bigger plan for our little one and someday we will be there with them. Im unsure who wrote it but thought it was just perfect! 

I’m just a little baby
who didn’t quite make it there;
I went straight to be with Jesus
but I’m waiting for you here.

Don’t you fret about me mommy
I’m of all God’s most blessed
I’d have loved to stay there with you
but Heavenly Father knows what’s best.

Many who dwell here where I live
waited years to enter in,
they struggled through a world of sorrow
and their lives were marred with sin.

So sweet mommy don’t be sad,
wipe those tears and chase the gloom,
I went straight to be with Jesus,
from my lovely mothers womb.

Thank you for the life you gave me,
it was brief but don’t complain;
I have all of heaven’s glory
suffering none of the world’s pain.

Thank you for the name you gave me,
I’m thankful for all you’ve done.
I’ll be waiting here for you
in heaven up above.

I would have loved to stay with you,
And lived life by your side,
But the Lord has called me home,
I know it’s hard to understand why.

Thank you mommy for making me,
You made me out of love,
I can’t wait for the day I see you again
So you can see what I’ve become.

I’m an angel here in heaven,
The Lord’s here by my side,
He wants me to let you know
He’s sorry he made you cry.

He has a plan for me up here,
And a plan for you here too,
Someday we’ll be together again,
And this I know is true.