We are ADOPTING! We are doing domestic adoption and as of right now we are asking for an infant girl and are open to race. I know that really it doesn’t matter and we will love that child no matter what but in my heart I know this could be our only child and if I am being completely honest, I want to have a daughter. More news to come on this after our Christmas letter gets out!
Please just begin to pray for us while we got through this process. Also pray for the finances to come through some how and ultimately pray for the birthmother out there who will make the ultimate sacrifice so that Nils and I can become parents!
It’s a girl…We think?
20 11 2009Comments : 3 Comments »
Categories : Misc. Life News
Mom Update
20 11 2009Sorry I have no updated sooner! Mom went in for chemo on monday and her heart rate was again in the upper 150s. She was taken to the ER and given meds to basically reset her heart. She didnt get admitted after all her scans came back clear. She had no symptoms this time which is scary! She was able to then go get her chemo and went home after that. The last few weeks have been rough physically for her so she could defiantly use your prayers! Sunday is her birthday and I am so thankful she is here to celebrate another year!
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Categories : Uncategorized
Great news!
9 11 2009Just heard from my mom today. She went to chemo and had her doctor apt and her CAT scan from last week shows that the cancer is shrinking! Thank you Lord for using the chemo and doctors to help my mom!! I honestly dont think that she will ever be “cancer free” but I do believe that God can shrink this and allow her to live with this disease! She’s been doing it for 20 years now and I sure hope He gives her at least 20 to 40 more!
Thanks for all your prayers and support for her! They are being felt!! Just pray for continued strength for her as she is slowly realizing that she’s not 40 anymore and its harder to work full time now than it was then.
Stay tuned for an update on Nils and I someday soon!
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Categories : Mom
Me Update….
19 10 2009So after a weeks worth of OPKs ran out I decided to call my doctor and see what she thought. She had me come in that day for an ultrasound. It basically showed I had 1 post mature follicle and a few others that werent mature. So she said most likely the OPKs just didnt detect it. She basically said to dont lose hope and hopefully everything will still work out this month. If not then we will try more monitoring in her office next month. I kinda figured this would happen. I was hoping if we did very little to make my body work it just would. I guess not so much.
In other random baby news I have had 2 dreams in the last 2 nights. The first night was an adoption dream. I have never in my life had one and it was very bizarre and vivid. This couple just gave us their baby girl. They had 4 kids and couldnt handle anymore and knew our struggle and just gave her to us. No money no nothing. Ha. I know that doesnt happen in real life but let me know you it was such a great feeling in that dream to know that I finally was a mom. And I remember in the dream that I thought wow now this is why I have all the baby stuff all ready to go….
The 2nd dream was last night and I dont really remember it as well but I just know that I was in the hospital giving birth. It was also a girl in this dream.
Nils also had a dream not too long ago that I gave birth in a hospital but was in a cubical. LOL that made me laugh. Apparently he missed the birth and got off the elevator and there I was in the cube with our baby. A girl as well.
I know all of these could mean nothing but still just makes my wheels turn and I just really would love some prayers for clarity as to what in the world our next step is supposed to be!
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Categories : Uncategorized
Mom Update
19 10 2009Just wanted to post a quick update on my mom. She spent last week on a 7 day cruise with one of her good friends from Florida. They had an awesome time and I feel it was so great for her just to get away and enjoy life without the everyday reality of ”I have cancer”. Unfortunately she couldn’t be out in the sun. She also couldn’t get in the water because of her open incision. But overall she still had a wonderful time. She heads back to work this week and I am really dreading this for her. She is tired and worn out easily and I just am praying for strength that can only come from God to help her keep moving. She had chemo today and as far as I know it went just fine. She hasn’t lost her hair yet which has been very surprising. Overall I feel she is doing well considering. I think she is doing as well as can be expected when you are undergoing chemo. Please pray for her as she heads back to work this week and back to a somewhat normal life again after being out since August.
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Categories : Uncategorized
65 days…and almost 4 years
2 10 2009That was the number of days my cycle was last month. Seriously? Shouldnt I have had 2 in that time? Well anyways heres a quick update on me….
Went to my ob for my annual and mentioned to her that my period is no where to be found. This was on day 51. She did a quick ultrasound and sure enough after 51 days my body finally produced something. Well basically she said lets hope this is it and sent me on my way. She said to call her in 2 weeks and let her know what happened. Well needless to say nothing happened and as she predicted my period came 14 days after that apt. Basically that is the only part of this that always happens. 14days after ovulation your period comes. Wow great at least 1 part of my cycle is normal. Ha!
Well anyways after talking with her and going over my history it seems like this is the one thing wrong and we have known that all along is my body just doesnt really ovulate in a timely manner each month. Apparently eventually it does but not in the “normal” sense. I voiced my concerns that I just dont feel we have tried everything yet b4 moving to IVF and after some talking we decided she would call my RE and see if he would be ok with my ob doing some cycles with me on just a basic fsh (follicle stimulating hormone) and see what happens. So for 3 cycles we are going to try this and then hopefully I will have closure on this phase and have some direction as to where we go next. So I’ll start meds today through tuesday. Take OPKs this month and hope for the best. Yes this is 5 million steps back but i really dont know that all that other crap was really necessary. I have had 2 pregnancies and both were on clomid. Never once on injections. So maybe the injections were producing empty follicles? Who knows but I hope and pray that something this simple will finally work out. She is actually putting me on femara. This is something similar to clomid but is actually rated as a cancer drug. Its kind of a long story but basically it isnt fully approved by the makers but some fertility docs are using it and it has shown some success. Plus from what I can find the miscarriage rate is lower so far and we just still arent clear if the clomid was it? If this month doesnt work she’ll do some monitoring and I have a left over Ovidrel in the fridge that we’ll use.
So that’s kinda of my long awaited update. We decided to take a month off which ended up being over 2 months and now we are going to try this. January marks 4 years that I have been off birth control. I am really dreading it being here but know we have to move on at that point. I know we are young but 4 years is a long time no matter what your age. Oh and my birthday is this month. ICK.
Just another reminder that I would have finally been a mom if either of my little ones had made it. Ugh. Please pray that this would finally be IT!
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Categories : IVF, TTC Round 3
Cancer Part 2…and other life news
28 09 2009Haven’t posted in a while but just wanted to post a few updates:
Mom: She went to the cardiologist last week and found out that the mass they biopsied is in fact cancer. We were kind of expecting this but at the same time just sucks. So now she has it on the lining of her lung and on the lower part of her pericardium. As far as her chemo goes she has been handling it pretty well. Last week she got pretty sick from it. She hasnt lost her hair yet and they are not sure she will since it hasnt started yet. This is good news for me because I just was not ready for that. Its like the one thing you can see outwardly that shows she is sick. :/ Other than that there is really no more news on the cancer topic. She is going on a cruise next week and is super excited about it. I am so happy for her to be able to do this! After the cruise she will finally head about to work.
Us: We just got back from a week long vacation to Florida with our best friends. We had a great time and it was nice just to get away from it all. We missed our puppy while we were gone but she was in good hands with my brother. I am starting back on weight watchers this week and am so ready to lose weight again. We are just kinda taking life as it comes on the baby front now and am hoping that all will just happen and hopefully soon!
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Postponed again: Quick Update!
10 09 2009I took a half day on Tuesday to go with mom to her first Chemo. Well I made it just in time to get there for her doctor’s apt and the doctor came in, chatted for a minute, checked out her incision from surgery and decided that it was not healed so they needed to postpone chemo. Apparently one of the drugs would prolong that healing so He was concerned. She will go back tomorrow for try #4 and hopefully actually get the chemo this time. I joked with her that every apt I have been to so far there has not gone as planned so maybe I need to stop going with her. The first one was an afternoon apt and the nurse didn’t tell the doctor he had another apt so he left for the day. The 2nd time was a couple of weeks ago which won her a bed at the hospital and surgery. Now this time her chemo was canceled. Ha oh well I guess one apt I go to will eventually go as planned. If she is unable to start tomorrow she is out of the clinical trial. They have to start chemo within 2 weeks of randomizing her in the study.
This was pretty discouraging but hopefully all will be great tomorrow and she’ll be able to begin. Her general practice doctor saw her yesterday and said she thinks she should be good. She said to keep changing the dressing and to sit under a lamp for 15mins every 3 hours and eat lots of protein. So here’s hoping her day under the lamp will be just what she needs to get this show on the road.
In other news my stupid body is right back into its old games. Cycle day 44 so far and nothing is going on. And no im not pregnant. UGH! Seriously why can’t it all just work! I can only dream of being someone who plans the month to get pregnant and Poof it happens.
So frustrating. I told my mom about it and she was like OH please let you be pregnant! We could use some good news.
Gosh I wish more than anything that could happen more for her than me at this point! Please Lord fix my body and allow it to work so we can be fruitful and multiply! Please breath life again into my empty womb and let it be perfectly healthy! 3 years and 9 months is LONG enough to wait!
Please make my mom a grandma to a baby here on earth and please heal her so she can enjoy them!
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Categories : Mom, TTC Round 3
Waiting a week…
2 09 2009Monday afternoon the nurse called and said they the doctor feels they should wait a week to start the chemo. After the major surgery, breathing issues and heart issues b4 it and so on he just felt that giving her a week to recover would be best. As much as we all wanted to get going on this right away I do feel this was the right decision. I had taken the day off yesterday to go with her to her first chemo and since that didn’t happen I went over to help her get ready for the day and just spend time with her. She decided that she was feeling well enough to go look at wigs and possibly a little shopping for clothes she can wear that are loose and comfortable. Last time we went looking for wigs she wound up in the hospital so every few minutes I kept asking are you ok. It made me nervous but short of tying her up nothing was going to keep her down. We found a great wig, some clothes at kohls and marshalls, ate at panera, went to trader joes, and then headed home. By this time her feet had completely swelled up so it was defiantly time to get her home even if we were only gone a couple of hours. Over all it was a great day and I just talked to her and she slept about 11 hours last night. She is sleeping in a recliner up stairs right now because she cant get herself out of bed very easily but I think thats a great amount of time considering the bed. She has to go in on friday for a repeat echo and a check up to the cardiologist. Then chemo will start on Tuesday. Its at 11:30am and will last at least 3 hours. We thought it was 90 minutes but that is just for one of the drugs. Over all she is doing much better and I am sure by next week she will be much better on her feet and ready to take on the world of Chemo!
In other life news we got to the Great Minnesota get together with friends on monday. It was a great time and ate some good and not so good food. It was a great night out and have another one planned with them on saturday to see a comedian and eat casino buffet food! Yum!
Its amazing how one minute life was all about infertility and miscarriages and now my only concern is my mom and getting her better. Hopefully redirecting my mind on something else will allow a miracle to happen in the one thing that Ive spent 3 1/2 trying to achieve.
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Categories : Misc. Life News, Mom
Too much time in the Hospital….
31 08 2009So after the SVT episode mom had 2 more times in the hospital stay of 3 days. Finally after her heart starting cooperating they put her on an oral med to keep it steady. She was finally able to get her port in Thursday evening and released. I woke up Friday morning and decided that I needed to stay home and just spend time with her and help as much as I could. She was feeling pretty good Friday morning so around noon we decided to just get out of the house for a short trip. She wanted to get a Wig picked out before her hair starts falling out. This is recommended to get a closer match to your hair. Well she walked from the house to my car in the driveway and was short of breath again. The Cardiologist told her on Thursday that if she got short of breath without doing much that she needed to get back to the ER right away. Well she brushed it off at first but after about a block down the road we turned around and I called her doctor. We were informed to get in ASAP. If the fluid increased then she could go into cardiac tamponade: (https://www.google.com/health/ref/Cardiac+tamponade ).
This scared her pretty bad as it should. So we went to the ER around 1pm on Friday. They did another Echo and consulted her cardiologist and he said she needed to be transported to St. Joe’s and needed to get in ASAP to get the fluid drained. Because they found a mass as well they wanted to do a Pericardial Window to drain the fluid and take a biopsy of the mass. They got her to St Joe’s around 5:30 and took her at 6:00p.m. for surgery. They surgery went well over all. They drained over a pint of fluid around her heart and took the biopsy. They had some issues getting in because she has a lot of scare tissue from the Radiation from her cancer in 1991. She drained a lot of fluid after the surgery as well because they left a chest tube in for 36 hours after the surgery. She recovered well from the surgery and is hopefully getting discharged in a few hours. She is so thankful to have had the surgery done and that worry is now hopefully gone and she can focus on the chemo. The oncologist came by yesterday and said that he wants her to start ASAP so they moved up the chemo to tomorrow. He is very optimistic because she was put in the 3rd trial group which is the new med and has so far had the best results!
Over all it was a very long week. She was only out of the hospital for about 12 hours between the two stays. I was able to stay at St Joe’s with her so I was there Friday and Saturday nights. She seems to be feeling a lot better, breathing better, and hopes to sleep better now as well. Tomorrow starts Chemo and she is ready to get going on that. She is a fighter and if anyone can get through all this crap it is her!
Some of you noticed Josh’s picture on Facebook. He had a doctor’s apt for what they thought was a bacterial infection. Well the meds weren’t helping him so on Friday at noon they told him to go to the ER. He waited all afternoon until mom was moved. He wanted to make sure she was going to be moved and wanted to go to the ER at the hospital she was going to be at. He is doing ok and has to follow up with another doctor this week for maybe more tests.
Thanks for all your prayers and support. To those of you on facebook thanks for the messages. I may not get back to all of you but I do appreciate every kind word and prayer and support. Our family is in need of that so much right now! We are all fighting with her to beat this! She is still way too young and has so much more life in her hopefully! I know more than anything she will keep fighting and has such a great attitude about everything!
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